


Super Smash Bros Randomness

by JurassicLion



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Crossover, F/F, F/M, Humor, M/M, Parody, Slice of Life, Smashville Mansion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 12:44:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15908520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JurassicLion/pseuds/JurassicLion
Summary: They are the various characters of popular video game series' in another popular game series. You get many strange scenarios with the crossovers on this scale. These are the random stories that (allegedly) all happened.





	1. Ridiculous Requests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucario meets a variety of heroes from across video game series. And as quickly as he respects them comes to resent them all.

Lucario gulped as he glanced at the group of assembled people. All smashers all from various worlds and games come together for a common cause. That cause being... they happened to just run into each other.

"All I wanted to do today was meditate on top of the peak. Maybe get my groceries early with those coupons I've been saving. Drink some tea and eat marmalade. But no, a weird spherical guy attacks me for no reason..."

Lucario grumbled recalling his meeting with Meta-Knight. Then immediately after their brawl and making peace the two ended up climbing onto the Hallberd - surprise surpise, it was MK's ship - and then having to fight more weird people. And then Lucario met Snake, a supposed legendary soldier who had a serious Cardboard fetish that smelled like cigarettes.

After even more strange hijinks - such as fighting clones of Princess Peach and Princess Zelda and having an Avengers team up with a Fox guy and a bird man (they'd met so fast Lucario hadn't bothered to get their names) they took back the ship. And now...

They'd landed the ship on solid ground to run into more of Meta Knight's friends. There was a kid with a big head who was friends with a Pokemon trainer (whom Lucario warned about trying to capture him), two bishounen knights (the Marth guy Lucario thought was a women at first), and those little Ice Climbers. But there was more, super freaking Mario himself along with more friends and another group led by a Pikachu.

There was so many people around that Lucario barely had a chance to get anyones names. But some he recognized mainly from viewing video game stores' best selling titles. It was rather strange having so many different individuals all in the same place together like this but Lucario wanted to get to the bottom of what the heck exactly was going on and so gathered as many as he could to discuss.

"I was having a tournament fight with Kirby here when Wario showed up and knocked me in the sky! Mario yelled angrily. The fact he was out of his stereotypical Italian accent meant he was serious.

"I was just looking for my sword in the woods when I was stuck with Yoshi-WAH!" Link said with a random battle cry.

"Why was your sword in the middle of the woods?" Lucario asked to which the Hyrulian shrugged.

"I don't know. I don't choose how my adventures go."

"Yoshi!" Yoshi... agreed? No one really could understand.

"These guys attacked our Quadrant! And then they destroyed my mother ship!" Fox complained flailing his arms around.

"And we didn't even have insurance!" the bird guy cried. Lucario awkwardly stepped back, mostly because he was too far gone in not knowing his name.

"They stole my power suit." Samus Aran said rather coolly, though her fist was currently crunching a pistol she carried. Now Lucario stepped back away from her and wasn't sure where to stand.

"Pi Pika pi!" Pikachu added on. At least Lucario could understand him. What did he say? Well, it was Pi Pika pi obviously.

"Right... these bad guys are causing a whole mess of trouble. But don't worry, the UN hired me to help all you guys out with this." Snake added as he noted down everyone's complaints in a notepad. For curiosity's sake Lucario peered over the man's shoulder and saw something that horrified him.

Snake's handwriting was godawful.

"Wait you mean you were hired to help us out?" Ike asked raising a brow.

"Yeah. I literally just said that. And I am a soldier after all. Why?"

Marth grinned next to Ike as he chuckled to himself. Lucas and Red slowly scooted away from the Prince as he did so.

"Um... is he okay?" Lucario asked Meta Knight.

"I'm... not entirely sure." the short Knight replied.

"I think... I think we can get more out of this..." Marth continued to chuckle.

"What do you mean?" Snake asked.

"Isn't it obvious!" Marth jumped forward much too close to Snake.

"Hey personal space bub..."

"We're all here just accidently having run into these guys... what if we..."

Marth whispered into Snake's ear. Although Lucario could read aura's he did not have an ear for whisper babble. The soldier's eyes seemed to glow and he too now had a similar grin however.

"Hey what just happened?" Samus asked crossing her arms as Marth turned to explain to her and everyone else.

Now nearly everyone out of this ragtag little band of heroes was in on the little idea the effeminate knight had and were somewhat amused. Well save for one moral Pokemon...

"No, no, that is insane. Why should we even do that?" Lucario crossed his arms turning away.

"But Lucario this could work!" Captain Falcon declared pointing a finger at the sun.

"Yeah and besides some of us have actual livelihoods that could benefit from this. I could get INSURANCE!" the bird man added wryly. Lucario sighed unable to keep this up.

"Look I don't even know who you are and was too embarrassed to ask at this point."

"WHAT!" the bird man gasped dramatically. Lucario ignored him and slightly nudged him over towards his friend.

Everyone else however was still in on things. No doubt they all weren't going to be easily convinced or swayed anyhow.

"But..."

"Kya!" Kirby suddenly popped out landing on Lucario's head. Why the round pink ball of kawaii chose that moment to appear Lucario would never know. But he continued speaking in ignoring Kirby. Kirby didn't mind, he felt safe on his head.

"The world is bigger than this. We're better than that! Are you all really that greedy at the end of the day?"

The whole gang of heroes then began to wonder on this. Snake rubbed his much needed to be shaved chin while Link closed his eyes to reflect. Mario had removed his hat to scratch the top of his head while Marth and Ike huddled with Zelda and bird man was still in shock so he was promptly ignored by everyone.

Not a second later they responded:

"Of course!"

Lucario could not believe them.

"You know how long I've been rescuing this Princess and showing up in a million games? Nearly thirty years! And what do I get? Jack nadda!" Mario yelled.

"Yeah and you think I like always being a damsel all the time? My solo game even sucked too!" Peach added on.

"Same here." Link and Zelda both replied.

"Well... I could use the benefits. You know... being unemployed... barely having one game released." Lucario could sense her own morals conflicted but also that reality took presidence. Not to mention the fact she wasn't doing that well ever since Other M came out.

Best not to bring that up to her.

"Hey I could use extra bonuses. Cause I fight for my friends!" Ike added triumphantly.

"I just wanna get paid." Fox said.

"Same here." Snake also added flatly.

"My name is Falco you asshole!" the birdman recovered. Lucario decided he would just keep calling him Birdman anyways.

"Bananas!" Donkey Kong yelled out banging his fists on his chest. Diddy Kong did so as well right next to the big ape.

"I can't believe you guys..."

And so a few hours later, and a couple phone calls courtesy of Snake, and the gathered fighters were brought before an assembled gathering of major figures. Nothing much save members of the United Nations, the President of the United States, and representatives of game companies to which the smashers belonged.

Lucario gulped as he approached walking forward ahead of the group stepping up to the people brought forward.

"So you're the Pokemon. I am-"

"The President. Yes I know."

"President Obama. Snake told me you're the voice of reason." the gentleman said. Lucario shook the President's hand quickly. He then pulled up the papers given by his group stealing a quick glance at everyone else.

"Is there something wrong Lucario-san?" Masahiro Sakurai asked. Lucario shook his head.

"No... uh... well, unless you consider what Konami did to Kojima, hahahaha..."

No one laughed. Lucario coughed feeling nervous standing in front of the world leaders like this. But he did notice Obama shed a tear as he revealed a Kojima Productions pin on his suit. The more you know he guessed.

"Well then, here's the list of requests we'd like to make before we go and... save the world."

Lucario still couldn't by how strange it felt to be saying that. Actually the fact he was even here at all was pretty farfetched to begin with. And the fact that all these people with high power were easily brought here baffled him more.

"Right... and that would be?" the head of the UN asked. Lucario shook his head glancing at the list.

"Um... right, well, there's a few notable mentions. Nothing too big..."

Lucario gulped. Though he was mostly composed he still couldn't take half of what was listed seriously.

"Um... Captain Falcon has some parking tickets he'd like taken care of-"

"Eighty seven tickets in twelve countries!" The Captain yelled from the background.

"Right, right..." Lucario waved a paw at him to be silent. The assembled leaders just blinked.

"Go on."

"Yes... uh, Red wants to be able to ride his bike wherever he wants -

no matter what his mom or Professor Oak says. Princess Peach would like some aid paid to the Mushroom Kingdom. They're kind of in a recession you see..." Lucario nervously glanced at said Princess who waved.

"I think I can handle that." Obama answered. "Afterall American-Mushroom Kingdom relations is one of my top priorities."

"... I can't tell if you're serious or not." Lucario wondered aloud before continuing.

"Well, there's also Game and Watch who is wanting the Game and Watch to come back. Not sure if that'll work... Fox and his bird best friend would like money to get a brand new Corneria with a better engine. And insurance. They really insist on having coverage for next time."

Falco squawked in the group of smashers. The world leaders were not fazed by this. Lucario swore.

"Oh and Kirby would like every Friday to be declared... 'Fluffy Day'." Lucario blinked at the sentence on the page. It was written in pink crayon with an added smiley face.

"Fluffy day?" The UN leader asked. Lucario shrugged.

"Yeah. I don't even know what that means either." The leaders glanced at each other for a few moments. Out of the many requests that one seemed most friendly. They nodded.

"We'll see what we can do." The UN Leader said. Kirby high fived Yoshi in the background at this.

Lucario cleared his throat glancing through the other requests. "Yes... and Link would like a year's worth of new equipment. Zelda would like something done about World at Warcraft and Skyrim players sneaking into Hyrule. Um... you guys wouldn't happen to know if Donkey Kong could star in a brand new game again without Mario would you?"

The gathered leaders glanced at each other contemplating this.

"Right... uh, oh Snake wants to get full pardons on... well every crime he's accused of and every crime he's definitely committed."

"I'm innocent until proven guilty, you hear me Patriot swines!" Snake yelled.

"We get it! Shut the hell up hobo!" Lucario yelled back.

"Continue please." The President responded. Clearly he and the rest of the assembled leaders had much more patience than the Pokemon of Aura. Maybe they were used to this kind of thing already.

"Okay... uh, and Samus wants all her repair bills on her gunship taken care of. Pikachu wants 20 tons of ketchup sent to his address..." Lucario squinted at the next request. "And King Dedede... would like to stay at the Fair Hamptons Hotel?"

Lucario glanced at the Penguin. King Dedede shrugged.

"What? I need to get away sometimes."

"Okay... uh... here why don't you guys just take the time to read the rest and see what you can do?" Lucario handed over the paper quickly.

"Right. We'll take care of all this." The President assured patting Lucario on his back.

"Lucario!" Mario yelled from the background. Lucario's shoulders jumped as he glanced around. Everyone else shared expectant looks piercing into Lucario's psyche. Sighing the Pokemon turned back to the assembled leaders.

"Um... there's just, one little thing."

"Yes?" The President asked. Lucario scratched his cheek for a moment wondering how to get out this last word before deciding to just come out with it.

"Right... everyone wants to be paid 20 million US dollars. Of course converted to whatever currency from our respective homes but - yeah. Oh and no one wants to pay taxes. Ever. Again."

Now the entire group stared baffled at the Pokemon. Sure they could probably handled half of the odd requests given but now this was a new pickle.

However it was that or risk the world getting annihilated or worse.

"It'll be done." The President responded. Lucario blinked.

"... you're serious?"

"Eh. You guys deserve some compensation right?" Sakurai added patting Lucario's head.

"Besides if you all don't get some kind of reward then that'll make us look really cheap in comparison!" Shigeru Miyamoto added. Although he didn't look up from his 3DS as he kept on playing New Super Mario bros.

"Wait... so this is a pitty reward?" Lucario asked.

"Not at all son! Now get out there and save the world!" The President ushered the Pokémon away much to his now own more bafflement.

I don't... I can't...

Everyone else cheered in the crowd of fighters. Mario and Peach danced. Ike kissed Marth ("true friends kiss their friends" he claimed). And Donkey Kong brought out his bongos in celebration.

Lucario watched the many characters parade about in triumph of getting the bribes they all wanted. And for a moment, just one single moment...

He almost wanted to let the world get taken over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially this was just a one off spoof of Armageddon, then it became part of my own "Randomness" series, and now I decided to bring this back for my own amusement. There is some updates if you've ever read the old version such as the President being clearly Barack Obama (because Fuck Trump), Lucario not knowing Falco's name, and a few more modern references here and there. I still love Super Smash Bros and am so excited for Super Smash Bros Ultimate and can't wait to see how it changes the franchise.


	2. Don't Pick up the Phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucina learns a valuable lesson from Princess Peach. Lucario and friends play a game.

"We're all going to lose." Meta Knight said grimly staring into nowhere.

"Oh come on it's not all bad." Snake reassured his friend. He even patted the spherical knight on the back but this did not ease Meta Knight easily.

"So make your move. Come on, or are you afraid?" Samus toyed coyly. Snake growled as Lucario raised a paw.

"Hold on Samus. It's his call to make."

"But if he does then we all lose." Meta Knight repeated.

Snake's eyes scanned the three other Smashers waiting. He rubbed his scruffy bearded chin and wiped his forehead head of sweat before leaning back.

"All right... I'll take Siberia."

Snake rolled the dice on the game board causing Meta Knight to grab his head comically. Samus merely sat back observing her cards while Lucario watched Snake move over the board.

"Good job Snake. You're closer to taking over the globe." said Samus.

"Wrong! Everyone knows Australia is the key to winning the entire game." Meta Knight argued. His tiny hands hit the table but weren't strong enough to thump it. Lucario tried his best to hold back laughter.

"Pfft. You're just mad cause you're losing." Samus said grabbed the dice to make her turn.

"I am one of the greatest military commanders in all of Dream Land. I will not lose!" Meta Knight said with a great mighty emphasis.

"Sure... but I've got Siberia and you my round flying friend don't." Snake reminded to Meta Knight to no end.

"Alright then, now it's my turn." Samus rolled the die continuing on with the rest of the game.

It was then that the phone began to ring next to the players. Each person looked towards it as it rang again. It was distracting to say the least but something else about it was on their mind.

"Why is there a rotary dial in here again? They're out of fashion aren't they?" Snake asked.

Lucario shrugged. "I don't know either. I mean, half of the roster doesn't even have fingers so we can't use it if we wanted to."

"Remind me to ask how you even use a smartphone if you don't have fingers after I answer this call." Samus said as she stood up and approached the rotary dial. She lifted it and held it to her head almost feeling like a secretary in an old television show.

"This is the Nintendo residence. Who's this?"

"... is this Samus Aran I'm speaking to?"

"Yeah this is Samus."

"Well then, Samus, CONGRATULATIONS! You've just one a paid vacation with Jerriot Hotels for going to one of our hotels! Please send us your social se-" the call was hung up with a slam of the phone back down. Samus sighed turning back and taking her seat again with the others.

"Was it a telemarketer?" Meta Knight asked. Samus nodded.

"Yeah. Those are the worst."

"This is why I don't have a phone. You never know if you're being tracked or monitored by companies that want all of your possessions!" said Snake.

"Really? I thought that was because you're practically a hobo with no income." Lucario retorted with a chuckle. Snake growled but Samus and Meta Knight were already laughing with the Pokemon.

"Laugh it up, fuzzball. Now watch as I take Australia and get one step closer to conquering THE WORLD!" Snake held his arms up high in praise of himself.

"Hey world conquerer, your cards are showing." Samus laughed. Snake gasped and quickly grabbed his cards but it was too late.

He never got to conquer Australia.

Meanwhile in an upper room of the Mansion...

"What? I won a free stay at a Jerriot hotel? All I have to do is send you a social security card? Hell yeah!" Bowser cheered in triumph before spilling out all of his personal information over the phone. In the next room over Princess Peach shook her head as she poured tea for her guest.

"Honestly, I can't believe he has to learn the hard way."

"Is something wrong M'lady? It sounded like good news to me." Lucina said as she tried Princess Peach's peach tea. She hummed as the sweet warmth cleared her sinuses.

"No my dear. He's been swindled you see. Don't ever fall for fraud calls or you'll end up like that dunderhead over there.

"Woo hoo! I can't wait to go on my vacation! Mario is gonna be so jealous!" Bowser cheered. Peach sighed dropping a cube of sugar in her tea.

"Oh no you won't honey."

"Shouldn't you tell him he fell for a scam M'lady?" asked Lucina. Peach waved her off.

"Why no you see..." Peach then sipped her tea. "It's none of my business."


	3. Master Chef

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucario invites his friends to celebrate his new apartment. Samus faces her fears.

Lucario’s doorbell rang as he finished cutting up the vegetables. The Pokémon looked at the time and knew who it was and turned to go open his apartment door. Standing there were his friends, Snake and Samus Aran. Both fighters dressed casually and had brought what they’d said they’d bring for the evening dinner.

“I’ve got chicken. Samus brought a bag… bagwette…” Snake fumbled his words. 

“Baguette. It’s fresh too.” Samus showed the long bread in a bag. Lucario smiled.

“Yes. This Apartment party dinner will be great! Come in.” Lucario led the two in his home and closed the door behind them. Snake and Samus set the things on the dining room table while Lucario headed back to the kitchen to continue fixing the food.

“If you wanted your friends here, why didn’t you invite anyone else?” Snake asked taking a seat. Lucario frowned facing his friend from the kitchen counter.

“I could barely afford this place. Do you really think I could feed everyone else too? Besdies… I want to keep living here, Any group of video game characters larger than three leads to unwanted shenanigans that I’m just not up for.”

“That’s a good point.” Samus said sitting down. She remembered the last get together involving food. They all still weren’t allowed to Fat Boy’s Burgers and owed money for property damage. Courtesy of some fighters wanting to Brawl in the open.

Samus shuddered at the thought of that happening again. There was ketchup everywhere…

"Hey Samus, why don't you help me with the rice?" Lucario asked from the kitchen pulling Samus from a potential flashback.

The bounty hunter looked at Lucario, then at what he was doing, and at the ingridients in the kitchen. She’d bought food specifically so she wouldn’t have to cook anything for this. And now, now she was being asked to do the very thing she was… nervous to do.

Lucario didn’t need his aura to sense the room’s temperature drop. Usually this would indicate danger but looking at the blonde bounty hunter he only saw… fear.

Was Samus... scared?

"Oh no. It's fine, I'll just stay here and let the master do their work." Samus waved off with a smile, though her hand motion was a touch frantic.

Lucario saw through it. After all, when was the last time she smiled like a valley girl? Never.

"It's fairly simple. You just add water to the rice then put it in the cooker." The bounty hunter motioned herself to look away from the kitchen as he said this. It couldn't really be true, could it?

"Really. You're the chef, I shouldn't just interfere with your... magic."

“I’m not a sorcerer. I’m a Aura Guardian.” Lucario replied.

“Oh, right. Well you know what I meant. You’re probably the better co-“

"You don't know how to cook, do you?" Snake's voice broke all tension.

For some reason Lucario didn't really think of the bounty hunter as the type to be embarrassed. Maybe it was her cool calm personality or how she never broke under pressure in the heat of battle that didn't do much to sway that perception he had. So, it came as quite the surprise when the 6’3 woman seemed to shrink and recoil into a ball in her seat.

If he wasn’t busy cutting vegetables, Lucario would have pulled out his phone and took blackmail photos. He’d NEVER seen Samus like this. And he knew he probably wouldn’t again.

"Well... I'm no Lucario but, it's mostly instant diet for me. It’s just easier you know?”

Wait… she’s got that figure on an instant diet? Snake looked down at his calves and felt a bit self-conscious. He’d had to maintain a careful diet and he still had love handles.

"Look believe it or not but cooking isn't up my alley. Unless you count knowing what to eat in the wild. But even I can manage the simple stuff." Snake replied trying to take his mind off of his chub. Samus didn’t notice.

"You may call it simple. I call it difficult."

Samus crossed her arms. Snake sighed and then stood up. The bounty hunter eyed the soldier as he beckoned her to follow him. She felt uneasy, pouting still, but stood up anyways and followed Snake to the kitchen. The two carefully avoided Lucario as he had several pots on a lit stove preparing the other courses of their meal. The two now stood at an opposite counter where the aforementioned rice cooker sat.

"It's pretty easy. First you just fill the bowl of rice with water." Snake reached into the cupboard pulling out a bag of the grain. Pulling out his pocket knife he cut the corner of it before handing it to Samus.

The blonde let out a chuckle. Snake raised a brow at Samus while she emptied the rice into a bowl. "Sorry, just, that was so predictable."

"It’s funny that I’m prepared?”

“It’s like you’re a boy scout.” Samus couldn’t help a laugh. Snake scowled.

“Well I’m prepared for any situation. You never know when you’ll need your knife.

"Now I see why you’re not allowed on airplanes.” Lucario piped up from the stove.

Samus nearly dropped the bowl laughing harder. Snake shot a glare at Lucario, the aura Pokémon’s back was turned but no doubt he was grinning at his joke.

"Then you just, add your water like so." Snake motioned to the sink. Samus turned the handle filling up the bowl until it was filled just right. She then looked to the cooker which still sat.

"And now?" Snake raised a brow.

"Isn't it obvious? Just put the bowl into the cooker. Then you set it to cook."

Samus looked to the rice in her hand then back to the cooker. Snake couldn't believe something like this would faze her. This was the same woman who exterminated Metroids for crying out loud.

Throwing away all hesitation Samus did as instructed. She clasped the cooker shut with a top keeping the rice and water contained. Reaching carefully Samus pulled the knob of the cooker adjusting it as instructed.

Lucario turned around smiling back at Samus. "Good! Now we'll have delicious rice in no time at all!"

________________________________________

 

Lucario stared at the charred remains of his apartment in disbelief. The Aura Pokémon had a blanket draped over his shoulders by one of the paramedics but stood still as Fire Crews smothered out what was left of the fire. It wouldn’t help. It was all gone to hell.

Just a few ways away Samus and Snake stood by an ambulance. Both their faces were covered in soot and ash as was their clothes. They two watched in disbelief at the scene.

"So... you can't cook." Snake said.

"I tried to warn you." Samus said glumly.

Snake scratched the back of his head. "I mean... it was just rice."

"I knoooooow." Samus held her head solemnly.

"I’m kind of amazed. We didn't even use any fire."

Samus shot Snake a frown. "Is this your way of consoling me? Because you're terrible at it."

"In my defense, it's why I'm never in a long-lasting relationship."

Samus spotted Lucario walking their way. She felt the weight of all that had happened grow heavier. Her heartbeat fastened and felt goosebumps crawl up her skin. Lucario stopped before her then and Samus took her chance.

"I - I am so sorry! I didn't mean to - I mean I - I suck."

Lucario blinked. He tilted his head at the bounty hunter whose eyes were remorseful. Shaking off the blanket Lucario walked past the two.

"Let's get pizza. I'm starving."

"Huh? But I-" Samus tried to interject but was stopped by Lucario. The Pokémon for some reason was smiling.

"You did your best Samus. Don't beat yourself over it. I'm just glad you tried."

Samus shared a look with Snake. The mercenary shrugging as he followed Lucario away. Though she still felt terrible Samus felt like a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders. Without another word she followed after Snake and Lucario leaving the destroyed apartment and legion of fire crew behind.

"I should probably find a new place though."

"Agreed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally a one-shot / attempt at another series called "Master Chef". It's also a pseudo sequel to Camp Out. But it originally was inspired by a Bleach fanfic, where Ichigo tried to teach Rukia how to make rice and also caused a fire. It fits well for Randomness which is why it's now the third chapter.


End file.
